Entering into Foreign Land
I go to the ceremony. I sit there in the seats assigned for all of the Arts and Letters people to sit in to receive their long, awaited diploma that I've worked for five years for. Then they finally call your row up. You stand up there upon the ramp eagerly awaiting the professor or chair to call your name. Finally, my name blares on the loudspeaker, "Cody Jon Weinmann- Music Performance/Composition, and Technology." The crowd erupts. It is all a blur as I walk across the stage to pick up the coveted award, shake Dr. Karnig's hand, talk to him, shake hands with the music department Chair, Dr. Johnson, hug the dean and walk down the other side, where I am happily greeted and applauded by Dr. Knop, my long time jazz professor. He says, "Congratulations, dude! You made it!" with a big smile on his face. Then I walk back to my seat in my assigned row and watch as the other graduates take their proud degrees on the podium.
Yes, it was such a lovely experience…But am I really done with Cal State San Bernardino? The answer is quite simply… No. I still have a jazz festal to try and perform at and a recording session that I have to attend for a group that I love being part of, but technically should be paid for because of being asked to perform when I am technically no longer a student at this university. I feel that my time has been well, but I must go onto other ventures in my life, especially if I want success to come for my own career and not just someone else's.
I do often get tired of fulfilling someone else's goals instead of my own. That is why I am undertaking this long memoir. I found that I have to have the time to reflect, and in this ledger, it is my intention to do so.
Stepping Into the Chapter of "I Don't Know."
As I sit here the day before I am to commence into the world of reality, I am reminded of things still needing to be done, the internship that I am still having to complete, the album I still have to master. I have to still keep producing for a world that I don't know what it will bring. I do intend to sell this album and subsequent books that I write (fiction or otherwise) as well as doing a bunch of freelance work that I have to stay up on money. I voted for a break at first, but all that I've been doing is work to cover my behind.
Not really much of a break. It is more like a continuation of stress that I have been under the last few years. Welcome to the never-ending years of worry.
I think I need a break from this show-business mindset. It is really corrupting me. Really? I am still all depressed after being referenced to volunteer as a singer, musician and possibly a worship service leader at Cornerstone Hospice where Amber works? Really? Can I really be this self-absorbed? Seriously, I am given the opportunity to give my gifts to the needy and the sick who need the power of hope and healing. This is not an opportunity to be the washed up, has been, wish-he-could-have been rockstar sort of prick. This is a time to be grateful for your gift and to use the gifts that god gave you. Just take this opportunity to make someone feel a bit better before dying, won't you?
Instead of waking up feeling ungrateful and crappy, do yourself a favor and learn to be gracious and give yourself a chance to reach out. Give yourself a chance to shine. Shine for these people, the people who need you. Give a piece of yourself to people everyday. Give things a chance to work out. They will pan out. It's okay.
Spending My Life--Recording Reflections
I often wonder. I wonder a lot. I often sit and think about my life, and have done much more so lately than in the past. I wonder what my life will bring now that I'm out of school officially and onto a new chapter in my life. Sitting here again I feel the gist to go out and perform my stuff. I can't wait till next quarter when at least I will be promoting something--my book. It will come in time. All these projects in my mind keep building up and I want to do them and put them out on CD, master them and everything. I want to put them up on tune core, all of them, my songs, everything needs to go up there. I want to be an innovator! Plus I want to start publishing my books and promoting each and everyone of them. I would like this--authoring and being a musician to be my way of life and my living. The urge is very strong to be a street performer. Just seeing happy faces getting something from the music I create is just awesome.
_How I do wish for more of this!
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This text is from an autobiography that I plan to release some time in the future. I just wanted to include it here as a bit about my past as a composer.
More later!
Cody
